The Conspiracy of the Missing Spirit Cow

Breaking News! The YIG Spirit Cow has been stolen. Again. Being one of the few people nearby when the news broke, I’ve decided to break down the most suspected delegations.

Last year, a joke became of trying to take the Spirit Cow, and it bounced around frequently. But this year, it has really gone missing. I was able to find an anonymous delegate, and she had some information. “Something big is going down,” she said. “Keep an eye out for it, and be aware of your surroundings.” She also said that delegates are already blaming other delegates for the disappearance of the sacred Spirit Cow.

So, who took the cow?

Another anonymous delegate ruled out Stevens Point, swearing they do not have the cow in their possession. The first delegate I interviewed, who had some info stated, “Tyler Powell is still the suspect.” Although, the delegate would not say anymore. This leads me to suspect the Door County Delegation, since Tyler Powell is the advisor of that delegation. Other inside information says that Tyler had his picture taken with the cow, shortly before it mysteriously vanished.

Joseph Tretinyak disagrees. “It was Dane County,” he accused. “Or some other small delegation.” He also believes it could have been Youth Governor Izzy Quattrucci. I wasn’t quite sure if it was any of those, so I asked another senator, who wished to remain anonymous. The delegate thinks that it was Fond du Lac because they hosted Pre Gov, so they may have taken it. However, she also says that it could be Kettle Moraine because they never had it before.

I interviewed Izzy about it, and she was disgusted in the fact that people are blaming her. “All accusations are false,” she stated. “I was offended when Polly was stolen by New Mexico [at CONA]. I would never put any of you through that sort of drama.” She blames Governor candidate Reese Bailey, because she saw him “suspiciously running through the halls.”

Reese was outraged. He stated, “To think that I would sink down to the level of stealing Polly… Polly was reported missing between 2:30 and 4:30 pm. I was seen running at 8:00 pm, how could I have stolen it?” He denies all accusations, and blames New Mexico.

“We took Polly at Pre Gov,” said an anonymous source after my research. “I’m from Door County, but I’m not sure if it was us this time…”

The evidence is unclear, and Polly remains caught in the crossfire.

Keep your eyes out for any suspicious actions in the hotel and in the Capitol. Together, we can find Polly.

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